Lucky Star, Unlucky Nachos

There are very few things I like in the world other than Nachos. One of those things is optical illusions. I don’t know what it is, but seeing a picture that could represent two different images depending on how it’s looked at is pretty fascinating to me, and it usually takes skillful talent to pull off. Take the picture below for example. Is this girl licking and salivating over the delicious meal she just ate off her finger, or is she simply shoving her finger in her mouth getting ready to purge all over her neck that is 20 times too small for her body?

You’ll find out soon enough

This is a perfect segue way into my review of my next establishment, Lucky Star. It was lunch time and my coworker Marek (as seen in my “Roommates” video eating sausages in his underwear) and I decided to head to one of our area’s dirtiest but tastiest restaurants. Lucky Star is located in Compton, California, although they claim to be in Carson, California. It’s not as if one of these two places is better than the other, they’re both just as ghetto, except one gets more exposure than the other thanks to rap music. I mean, just look at their sign below.

“Spos Ba”? Doesn’t exactly spell classy

Think of Lucky Star as a Mexican diner, since pretty much any type of Mexican food can be found on the menu, as well as every other type of food item, such as chocolate shakes and hamburgers. I’ve had some pretty good and authentic tasting meals at this place and was looking forward to a nice plate of Nachos, which oddly enough I have never had here. I was confused when I looked at their menu and could not find Nachos. I looked under Mexican Specialties, but Nachos were nowhere to be found. Lunch Specials? Same deal. Maybe under appetizers like at one of those fancy restaurants? Nope. What was going on here? I finally approached the cashier and inquired about Nachos, which they did indeed have. A nice feature about this place is that you can order your Nachos with pretty much any meat they offer; carne asada, al pastor, lengua (tongue) etc. Oh, just don’t try to get them to put chorizo on them (which they put on everything else) because they will look at you like you just asked them to name their top five favorite Milli Vanilli songs (Blame It On The Rain!) and you will have to settle for the chicken. After ordering my food I took another look at the menu and was finally able to find where the Nachos were located. Where did my Where’s Waldo scavenger hunt lead me to? The “Sides” part of the menu. Yes, a place that specializes in Mexican food items had lumped Nachos under the same category as fried zucchini and pastrami French fries (yum..?). As if that wasn’t weird enough they were listed at a price of $5.47. Yeah.

If you’ve read my copious reviews (all two of them) then you have figured out that salsa bars are really important to me. Lucky Star seemed to feel the same way and they actually advertised and made a big deal right on their menu of the fact that they had a fresh salsa bar. I finally realized I am not alone in the world and there are others out there that share my understanding that our daily lives should be filled with salsa bars. The salsa bar was composed of green salsa, red salsa, pico de gallo with a good balance of tomatoes, onions, green chiles and cilantro, along with other yummy items. I’ll let their menu speak for itself.

I come for the 15 TV’s but stay for the “superioir” service

After loading up on more than enough salsa to feed a family of 20, I sat at my booth daydreaming about the adventures that my taste buds and I would get into with our future new friend. I didn’t have to wait long as the waitress brought over my plate and placed it on my table. As soon as I was about to take a picture of the Nachos to show in my review, there was one of those DJ turntable scratching noises in my head (SCREEEEEEEEEECH). WTF!? Something was missing, something important. Even my roommate (who lacks a PHD in Nachoalogy, unlike me) knew something was amiss.

O guacamole, where art thou?

Yes, there was no guacamole in sight. For a place that I’ve been to plenty and have had some of the most delicious and authentic Mexican dishes at, this was ludicrous. Guacamole is one of the main components that make Nachos what they are (sweet nectars from paradise). Considering the salsa bar didn’t have any, nor was I ever asked if I wanted to add some for $.99 like other places, I was honestly expecting it to be piled up on the plate, but alas. Another thing I noticed was that the chicken was fried. I would understand if I was given the option of fried or grilled, but I wasn’t, I was simply told that chicken was an option. I know it sounds weird coming from a guy that eats Nachos as a hobby, but I really did not want all that extra fat on the plate. Maybe if the seasoning was tasty like Popeye’s it would make sense, but it wasn’t, it was dry and tasteless (it’s not like Mexico is known for its fried chicken).

The cheese was your typical Velveeta cheese, and there wasn’t even enough to cover all the chips. The beans were refried, dry and with little flavor. The chips also tasted as if they had been sitting out in the kitchen for a few days. The pico de gallo it came with was the same from the salsa bar, so nothing special there. The best thing about them was the glob of sour cream on top, which seemed to provide a little moisture to this extremely dry mess. After covering the Nachos in green salsa and even more pico de gallo, I proceeded to dig in.

The chip to topping ratio was actually pretty good at about a ¾ ratio. It’s too bad that this ratio is mostly composed of dry food items and a big lack of guacamole

:’(

I had probably only eaten about 10 chips when I got extremely bored. This is probably the first time I had been bored eating Nachos. I even offered Marek some, and after asking him how they were he replied with a simple “meh”. I nodded in agreement. At this point I started noticing that the cheese and beans had started forming a layer of greasy oil on top of them. I don’t think it helped that they were covered with greasy fried chicken. It got to the point where just the sight of the mixture was making my stomach grumble, and I also started to not feel very well.

They’re like one of those guys in prison that intentionally don’t shower or groom so they don’t get raped

I had at this point lost my appetite and decided to call it quits. As much as I love Nachos it was hard for me to think these as regular Nachos as opposed to an inbred offspring of Nachos. I packed up my things and told these Nachos I would be staying at my mother’s house and never coming back. It could keep the ring for all I cared. Next time you hear rapper “The Game” freestyle about how awesome Compton is, just remember where this abomination came from. Oh, and remember that optical illusion at the beginning? I figured it out what it actually should have looked like.

That is not guacamole

-iwst99

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